Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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