Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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