I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I would fuck him just for his dog
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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