dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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