it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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