Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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