Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize