I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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