If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize