Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize