He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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