***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize