Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize