i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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