Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
honey bunches of taint.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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