You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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