just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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