there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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