I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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