please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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