I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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