i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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