Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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