I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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