I should be sponsored by Trojan
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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