i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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