I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
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pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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