I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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