I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize