His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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