Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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