i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How does it feel to date your dad?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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