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so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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