PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am in a vortex of obligation.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize