he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize