Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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