She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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