I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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