Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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