He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize