Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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