he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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