yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Did I show you my penis last night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize