i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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