Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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