after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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