Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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