can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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