Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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