I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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